Gorilla Jobs Logo
Gorilla Jobs Blog Lawyers Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2023 Christmas Tree With Decorations Including Balls And Vines

Lawyers: Merry Christmas 2022 and Happy New Year 2023

December 21, 2022 0 Comments

Keep a few of these lawyer jokes in your back pocket to add to the end-of-year cheer at your celebrations.

Having a laugh over end-of-year drinks is a great way to finish up what’s been a huge 2022.

Gorilla Jobs has had a big year too as we expanded what we do, while also continuing to build on our core divisions, including, of course, legal recruitment, which goes from strength to strength. 

To lighten the mood as we wind down the year, we put together some fun medical jokes, and so we figured it’s only fair to also dig up some fun lawyer jokes we could find.

Lawyer jokes to bring on 2023

1. Guilty or…?

Lawyer: “Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly. Did you steal the car?”
Client: “After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning. I’m beginning to think I didn’t.”

2. DNA

Lawyer: “I have some good news and some bad news.”
Client: “What’s the bad news?”
Lawyer: “The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.”
Client: “What’s the good news?” 
Lawyer: “Your cholesterol is only 130.”

3. Charging

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.

4. Contracts

One day in Contract Law class, a lecturer posed a question to his students.
Lecturer: “If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?” A student puts up their hand.
Student one: “Here’s an orange.” The lecturer is not impressed.
Lecturer: “C’mon,  think like a lawyer!” Another student puts up their hand.
Student two: “Okay, I’d tell her, ‘I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind, and seeds, anything hereinbefore or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding.”

Gorilla Jobs Blog Lawyers Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2023 Man In Santa Claus Costume And A Confused Facial Expression
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels

5. Ready to litigate…in any situation

The Sydney Morning Herald recently published a new Hubble Space Telescope photograph of distant galaxies colliding. While astronomers have obviously had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now, with the vastly improved resolution provided by the Hubble, if you look carefully enough, you can now see the lawyers rushing to the scene.

6. Billable hours

At a party, a doctor and lawyer friend are chatting.
Doctor: “I’m getting really sick of friends asking me for free medical advice.”
Lawyer: “Just do what I do, and leave a bill in their mailbox.” 
Doctor: “Great idea, thanks, I knew I could rely on you for some advice!”
Later that night, the doctor heads home and checks the mail as he arrives home.
There is only one piece of a mail: a bill from the lawyer friend.

7. Lawyers and light bulbs

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Forty eight!
Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

8. Eat up

Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers? It’s called “Sosumi.”

A final word from Gorilla Jobs

From everyone at Gorilla Jobs, have a great Christmas period, a fun New Year and an even bigger 2023. Thank you for supporting our business by coming to us when you wanted to change jobs or find suitable staff. We very much look forward to helping everyone again in 2023 and beyond.