As serious as lawyers and the legal profession can be, there is a lighter side – here are some of the funniest moments in court.
Like most professions, lawyers take their roles seriously, particularly in the courtroom given what transpires can both change lives and impact society more broadly. Heavy stuff!
But…every now and then, there are unexpected times when serious proceedings are punctuated with funny court moments that show even the legal profession can have a lighter side.
1. Brains…
Lawyer: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Lawyer: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
Witness: It is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere…
2. Picture perfect
Lawyer: (Showing the witness a picture) That’s you?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: And you were present, right? When the picture was taken?
3. Death becomes them
Attorney: How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: By death.
Attorney: And by whose death was it terminated?
Witness: Take a guess…
4. Literally…
Lawyer: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
Witness: Oral…
5. A question of intelligence
Lawyer: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
Witness: He’s 20…much like your IQ.
6. Morgue humour
Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
Attorney: And Mr D was dead at the time?
Witness: If not, he was by the time I finished.
7. Parental love
Lawyer: How old is your son, the one living with you?
Witness: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
Lawyer: How long has he lived with you?
Witness: Forty-five years.
8. Forget-me-nots
Lawyer: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget.
Lawyer: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
9. Miss-conception
Lawyer: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: And what were you doing at that time?
10. What are you talking about?
Lawyer: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
Opposing Lawyer: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.
11. The walking dead
Lawyer: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
12. Head and shoulder above the rest
Lawyer: Could you see him from where you were standing?
Witness: I could see his head.
Lawyer: And where was his head?
Witness: Just above his shoulders.
13. Dogged questioning
Lawyer: Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: What was he doing with the dog’s ears?
Witness: Picking them up in the air.
Lawyer: Where was the dog at this time?
Witness: Attached to the ears.
14. Upstairs, Downstairs…
Lawyer: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: And these stairs, did they go up also?
15. I’m a “lumbar” jack and I’m OK…
Lawyer: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
Witness: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.
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